After spending three years in Brighton studying English and Drama, I have decided to finally put my degree to good use and start doing some writing. But first, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Hannah and I am 21 years old. I enjoy reading and hanging out with friends, so I guess it’s a good thing I am spending my summer in the beautiful city I currently call my home. Days on the beach drinking beer, along with nights at the pub drinking more beer, I cannot think of a better place to be.

So I finished my degree last week, and call me crazy, but I honestly thought my life would miraculously turn around, with plans already made and fun just waiting to be had. But in reality, I was one of the first of my friends to finish, I just used the last of my student loan on rent and my holiday plans have unsurprisingly fallen through. So I guess this blog is something that I can do in order to pass the time while I wait for the aforementioned fun to be had. Hey, if you’re lucky I might share it all with you.

I handed my final dissertation in last Monday, so obviously I was in the library well into the night the Sunday before, just to make sure my best efforts were achieved. I handed in my essay around midday, leaving plenty of time to get my drink on. Sussex campus was alive with third years celebrating and drinking, basically having the best day. The music was blaring and all of my friends were there, but I couldn’t help but feel incredibly sad. I felt like it was the end of something, and I don’t really like saying goodbye. Maybe the constantly changing weather had something to do with it; the alternation of the sun and aggressive rain serving as pathetic fallacy for my fluctuating emotions. We had a final party for us drama students a few weeks ago and I was a weeping wreck. I just don’t like the finality of leaving somewhere, especially somewhere that has completely encapsulated my growth and development as a young adult.

Looking back over the past three years I have learnt a lot about myself and my abilities to handle certain situations. But the last thing I was expecting when Fresher-Me first moved into Lewes Court  was my unconscious desire to not return home. Although I am from High Wycombe originally (see the second edition of ‘Crap Towns’ and you will notice we made number 9), I always loved where I was from. My friends and family allowed me to see past the grimy streets and raging crime rate, so when I left I don’t think I expected to feel so independent and to completely enjoy and embrace my new life. Don’t get me wrong, I had days when I would not leave my room and call my mum because I hadn’t been home in a while or seen my cat, but most of the time I loved my new life. Being a good hour away from my homely safety net meant I was free to make decisions on what to spend money on, needless to say I prioritised booze over bills; as well as deciding how much time to spend on an essay (which probably could have been more). But now that these seemingly trivial problems are no longer relevant, I feel I am at a loss.

So I have spent the past week and a half regressing back to Fresher-Me, spending all of the money Mum loaned me on alcohol and junk food, feel bloated and gross, and am genuinely worried about my future. I do have my pub job back, but this only means I will spiral into alcoholism and block out all the underlying fears of failing in life. But before I allow this to happen, I need to have a go at thinking forward, organising myself, and hey, maybe i’ll book a holiday one of these days. But mainly, I want to save some money and maybe start thinking about being a ‘real’ adult, while enjoying culture and all the fun at the same time. So basically, I want to use this blog as a way of inspiring myself to do something worthy of writing about.

Even though it will probably only be read by me, maybe having an online diary will solve all of my motivational problems.. But i doubt it.